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Subscribe to RSSSHANGHAI, China – “They look normal,” said my colleague, Bo Gu.
We were sitting on the fringes of a luncheon banquet, casting an eye over a group of 20 Chinese bachelors – of varying ages and thickness of hair – purportedly with a personal wealth of at least $1.4 million each.
Indeed the men did look normal, which is why we found it puzzling. They were taking part in a banquet organized by the Golden Bachelor Matchmakers, a company whose main revenue stream comes from finding female companions for wealthy men.
The company set up the first online dating web site designed specifically for multimillionaires. It’s worth clicking on even if you don’t read Chinese.
“These guys are worth a million U.S. dollars?” I asked again. They looked quite sociable, chatting animatedly amongst themselves and exchanging business cards. “And they’re having trouble meeting women?”
Looking for love in all the right places
We turned to look at the 20 hopeful women to be paired off with the men. Draped in jewels and wearing evening gowns, they sat demurely at their tables. None of them were chatting or eating.
It wasn’t until everyone had to introduce him or herself that the energy level picked up. (Actually, most of the men talked while the women performed dances.)
It was also then that we realized that maybe the men did need a little help.
Han, a Shanghai male who works in the financial services, offered a brief bio. “I like swimming and other exercises,” he said. Then he launched into an emotional recitation of a poem by Su Dongpo from the Song Dynasty. The women looked bored but clapped politely when he was done.
Adrienne Mong / NBC News
Parents review photographs of prospective mates for their children at a weekend Shanghai marriage market.
The next millionaire seemed more promising. Wearing a dark suit, Xia Ning walked up to the stage and talked a little bit about himself. “I was born in 1977. I’m a Leo. My ancestral home is in Sichuan.”
His self-deprecation nearly won over the audience. “I can’t dance or sing,” he said. “And I would make a terrible impression as a stand-up comic.”
But then he pulled out a PowerPoint presentation, with which he proceeded to lay out in great detail his interests, hopes, plans, and vision of the ideal partner and ideal family. There were bullet points galore. Complete with photos of fluffy white rabbits and rainbows.
And then there were men like Steven He, a good-looking 28-year-old with an impressive pedigree in addition to his impressive bank balance.
A graduate from the prestigious Tsinghua University in Beijing who dabbles in golf, enjoys movies, and speaks fluent English, he appeared perfectly capable of meeting women on his own.
When asked why he'd joined the Golden Bachelor club, he answered, “I wanted to meet women another way.”
Gold diggers
“People misunderstand the rich guys,” said Gong Haiyan, the CEO of Jiayuan, an online dating website that occasionally hosts special events for single millionaire men. “Everyone thinks they can find a girl, but it’s not actually easy for some of them…These men usually don’t want others to know that they are looking for girls. And they worry if they go out hunting girls they’d only find gold diggers.”
And gold diggers seem to be everywhere. At least in China’s current pop culture, where reality TV dating shows like “If You Are the One” have attracted large numbers of viewers.
Adrienne Mong / NBC News
At this Shanghai marriage market, a key trait featured on posters advertising potential husbands is whether they own a house or car.
The show seemed to capture some sort of mating zeitgeist when it first began airing and a female contestant, Ma Nuo, responded to an invitation by a poor young man to take a ride on his bicycle by saying, “I would rather cry in a BMW.”
Her put-down generated a huge outcry among viewers, social commentators, and government officials (who later sought to restrict the content of the show as part of ongoing efforts to legislate morality and social mores).
But it also seemed to reflect a pattern evident in the real world, where dating agencies, online dating sites, and even old-fashioned matchmakers have placed a priority on financial status above all else.
At a weekend marriage market in central Shanghai, where parents gather to find mates for their sons or daughters, the trait listed at the top of virtually every handwritten poster trumpeting the suitability of a single man is his income or assets (for example, whether he owned a house or car).
Love in a pragmatic climate
“Love is very tightly intertwined with pragmatism,” said Mina Hanbury-Tenison, a writer from New York who has lived in Shanghai for 13 years. “I often walk around the streets and I see...mothers walking with their daughters, and you can hear the conversations. ‘Oh, what does he have? What’s his 'tiao jian' (standard of living and income)? Does he have a house and does the house have a mortgage?’”
Hanbury-Tenison has a keen ear for this kind of dialogue. She's published a book, “Shanghai Girls Uncensored + Unsentimental: How to Marry Up and Stay There.” It is based on the war stories of Shanghai friends and, in particular, the extensive experience of one woman Hanbury-Tenison befriended soon after the American author landed in Shanghai. Tongue-in-cheek in tenor, it nevertheless offers some well-observed insight into how Chinese women in Shanghai climb up the socio-economic ladder by way of marriage.
“For some girls living in the big city, they're under a lot of pressure. They may only make $294 to $441 a month," said Gong. "Their wealth is their young age and beauty."
And with a skewed gender ratio – more men than women, as a result of the one-child policy in a society that still prizes sons over daughters – women of a marrying age are in high demand. As such, they're in a position to be picky about their potential mate’s looks, status, but especially income and wealth.
Courtesy Mina Hanbury-Tenison
The cover of Mina Hanbury-Tenison's book,
The desire to marry into money may be a fairly universal phenomenon, but in China, it seems new. To a certain extent, that trend reflects the economic boom the country has enjoyed during the past two to three decades and the consequent embrace of materialism. “People have just gone crazy about money,” said Hanbury-Tenison.
On the other hand, a centuries-long tradition of matchmaking also means the Chinese are quite familiar with the concept of making a good match.
“In China, it's always been about arranged marriages. When people marry it’s a social (and) economic link,” observed Hanbury-Tenison.
In other words, marriage here is sometimes still about more than simply two people falling in love. It's about the merging of families and adding a certain patina to their social status as a result.
What at first glance looks like a materialistic attitude might also reflect a hard-hearted pragmatism, particularly in modern society, where studies show that often the single biggest source of conflict in relationships is money.
“Nobody just marries guys or girls, because they’re nice or like soul mates,” said Hanbury-Tenison. “But underneath all that language is the hard reality of life, which is: can you survive together at a level of lifestyle you want?”
Xu Xiaoyuan – a marketing executive from Sichuan currently looking for a boyfriend – put it just as succinctly. While she says she could marry someone without a lot of money or assets, the 23-year-old still believes, “[Having] financial means is a foundation for a good relationship.”
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This is an obvious result of the one child policy in China. The male babies out-number the females making the females a commodity. The best looking females are going to get the best price.
One child policy has nothing (at least very little) to do with the imbalance of male-female ratio. Man can't control whether they would give birth to a baby boy or girl, mate!
Oh yes they can, and you don't want to know the details because it's not good.
I've been to Shanghai several times and this article is right on the money. Obviously westerners stand out in Shanghai, but not only because of appearances. A substantial amount of westerners are expats meaning they are paid well to be there, and that draws a lot, and I mean A LOT of interest from the local girls. It's like a kid in a candy shop. Being married I did not "partake" but I got a front row seat to what goes on...
Plsbhonest: Are you daft? Because of the one child policy, they have been killing newborn, and unborn, baby girls for decades. There are 40 million male chinese who will never find a mate. They didn't have this gender imbalance before implementing the one-child policy.
Droid13 is correct, the Chinese (and now Indians) are practicing female infanticide to have a boy (China), or firstborn male (India). In China, it's driven by sons earning more and being better able ($$-wise) of taking care of elderly parents. So, yes, the one-child law directly impacts Chinese population balance.
pls be honest, you sure can pick the sex of your child and in China it happens all of the time.
a one chile policy does have an influence on the gender ratio, as the article expressly stated, b/c there is a higher value ascribed to a male child than to a female child in chinese culture. therefore, w/ the implement of sonography, when gender is ascertained during gestation and the child is determined to be female a certain % of pregnancies are terminated. get that?
OMG! The chinese have killed infant girls and sick/defective infant boys for years....there was a picture of a baby boy, he had a hole in his heart, left in the woods to die. The photographers took the baby to the hospital and the staff laughed at them...It may have been National Geographic but I'm not sure.
Doug Fingles, 'now Indians'? You are decades behind the news, friend. Female infanticide has been going on in India for a long time now. It is illegal (obviously) but as with drugs, if there is a market, there will be supply/service. The reason is similar as it is in China, the son will take care of the parents, whereas a girl has to be raised and then married off along with a dowry and will then 'belong' to another family.
The one child law in China has skewed the male:female ratio and what hasn't been published adequately abroad is that violence and kidnapping in rural areas towards younger women is on the rise.
Japan has a problem all of their own. Reduced number of child birth is turning Japan into a geriatric country.
One child policy has nothing (at least very little) to do with the imbalance of male-female ratio. Man can't control whether they would give birth to a baby boy or girl, mate!
*cough cough* Abortion.
huh? it's called elective abortion. And it's legal in both China and those areas of the US which haven't sought to legalize the murder of abortion doctors (so South Dakota excepted).
a) outright gendercide of newborns is now pretty rare in China.. I'm sure it still happens, especially in rural areas, but it's not common, and it is also severely punished. It is a capital expense in a country whose courts have no problem sending you to a speedy lethal injection,
b) abortion is not a crime in either of our countries.. you may call it "gendercide" or "murder" and pronounce it disgusting, but you really haven't convinced the majority of your fellow countrymen that it really is, much less the Chinese.
c) the gender imbalance in China is a serious problem because of the shear size of China's population, but it exists in India and other countries as well.. just less well documented. Many countries have sustained such disparities for long periods of time. Disparities are not a good thing, but nor are they somehow fatal to the perpetuation of the species.
"speedy lethal injection"? they shoot you in the back of your head with a pistol,harvest your organs and charge the prisoner's family the price of the bullet. we subsidize these monsters by doing business with them. nice.
It is ironic, and very fitting, that now women are able to command more money and probably provide better for their families than some males because of supply-demand. Implement large marrital doweries and those Chinese who had little girls that nobody else wanted 20 years ago are now going to be raking in the money. Their country has brought this on themselves and they get whatever they deserve. I guess we'll find out with 30 million lonely Chinese males if sexual orientation really is a choice or not..
^Yup, right on the money. And even under the one child rule, families still had two or more children. They could
A: Lie and call them twins
B: Pay a fine and forget about it
C: Have them born in another country
If you actually go to China, I mean actually, not in your own microcosm's China, you'll find it isn't so out-of the ordinary compared to the U.S., really.
Gee Matt you seem to be the only person on the planet who is aware that China has done away with its one child law. I was watching the news the other night about a totally unrelated subject and they stated the law was still in effect. I agree on limiting the number children, except the limits should apply to those who can't afford them to begin with. I think people like the Kate plus 8 bitch should be arrested not given a tv show and that goes for the 19 And Counting crowd. When you know you are soooo ugly the only way anyone will believe you have sex is to keep popping out a kid every nine months, you should just put plastic bag over your head, instead.
do you think beautiful women choose handsome slackers over successful bores in the USA? get real. In a country with 1 billion people living on less than $7 a day rich men will not have any trouble finding beautiful wives. why do people need to be told this? seriously just because there is so manufacturing in china doesn't mean they suddenly are approaching the living standards say of working class americans. Millions of them are doing well for themselves but the vast majority are living the "3rd world" life. There is probably no one reading this who would not be considered moderately well-off there.
If you go to Google, and type in the name of that Chinese web site (915915.com.cn) it will return a Chinese link, but it you can also click on the [Translate this Page} link. It does an impressive job.
Good luck to these gold diggers. They should come to the "Land of Charlie Sheen".
I'm a bit confused ... Renegade clearly says he believes the gender imbalance is directly a result of the 1-child policy in China in effect for many years (not anymore). And yet, many of the comments or replies to his comment appear that people are not responding in a way that makes sense considering his comment. Don't argue ... "yes it is a result of the one child policy" in response to someones' comment that it is a result of the one-child policy. It makes no sense. If you are resonding to PLS Be Honest then I don't know what to say to that other than "pretty stupid" to do that and not clearly direct your comment to pls be honest. Good grief people ....
can'twaitforheaven,
They've largely phased out shooting (outside of military mutiny and a few other courts-martialable offenses.. although there may be a few outlying provinces that are still transitioning). The main method of execution is now lethal injection.. in purpose-built vans constructed in the US and exported to China, believe-it-or not. Figures that the one thing we sell THEM is a rolling death machine.
Unbelievable how people can be so unwilling to look beyond the NY Times, etc. to understand the rest of the world.
First, the One Child Policy is not a law, it is a policy. Parents are not thrown in jail for having more than one child. As a very pragmatic population, many families choose to have one child today even when there is no policy limitation against having two children. In fact, some families, especially government workers, choose to only have one child to set good examples for others in the community on the issue of population control. This is straight out of the mouths of actual Chinese people living in China.
Next, the One Child Policy was only actually effective in cities. Most families who live in the countryside do not abide by this policy, and the local governments typically do not impose fines or any punishment because they understand that labor is necessary in agricultural families. If you actually ever visit the countrysides in China, you'll find that a lot of families have multiple children. The reports that make it to the pages of western media detailing forced abortions, painted as some sort of representation of an entire population, are simply magnified depictions of very rare occurrences. You could take the most negative details of any country and propagandize it to demonize an entire nation.
Also, people should try to understand why the One Child Policy was ever put in place. This occurred during a period of time when China, as a state-planned economy at the time, was completely debilitated from many decades of war. A large part of the population was starving, and the policy was part of the rebuilding process, and following the policy was seen as everyone's social responsibility. As the average standard of living continues to improve, the policy has changed to reflect that.
Please do not expect there to be a simple answer for any phenomenon like gender population imbalance. Take a look at most Asian countries, the imbalance exists and not just because of preferences for certain genders. And this report should check its facts: while boys may be preferred as better labor on a farm, girls are actually often preferred because daughters tend to take better care of their parents, especially in China's modern society.
Last, this article was actually about a social trend in China rather than the One Child Policy. While such a trend certainly exists, one ex-pat's interactions with a handful of women is not a credible source to be cited in a news article. That would be the equivalent of using Sex and the City to represent a generation of American girls.
Why is it so hard to believe that pre-natal screening/ultra-sound is used to seperate the male and female babies? I'm sure a running total is kept on the UPCOMING births, and adjustments (abortions) are made, with or without the parents' knowledge to keep the male:female ratio at the desired level (behind "closed doors" of course; this would never be made official public knowledge, although it ends up as such, in the form of "speculation") and the most logical step after that, of course would be to match up the males and females in accordance with family wealth, genetic aspects and desireable traits, all in hopes of creating socially perfect couples. Not too far off the mark of what Adolf had in mind with his supreme race ideology. It's just not carried off so blatantly...
I was surprised to see this piece air on NBC. What kind of RACIST "Journalism" - to be on network TV!
So the Hollywood, All-american shows like "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and "the Bachelor" all about what exactly????????? So why isn't there any news report running side by side with this one saying "Looks like American girls are Gold-Diggers" ?
agreed
Just accept the article for what it is. I am Chinese-American and take no offense to this piece. If they speak about materialism in China, must they also speak about its existence in England, Mexico, Niger, and indeed, the whole world? After racism, the second-worst thing you can do is being reactionary and demanding the ignoring of real cultural differences and social trends.
How is saying Chinese culture is different racism? You need to look up the word racism. You and most everyone else who uses it are abusing it.
luci-2888976...."So the Hollywood, All-american shows like "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and "the Bachelor" all about what exactly????????? So why isn't there any news report running side by side with this one saying "Looks like American girls are Gold-Diggers"..........Do you honestly need a news report to state that shows such as the ones you described make it appear that american girls are gold-diggers? No, you do not, you already understand that.
Looks like you're looking to be offending. Get over it. Its an article about an issue in China, with all the more important news out there if this is the best comment you can make.....make it in the mirror.
I think it's just accepted as fact that American girls are gold-diggers. That the long-communist Chinese are emulating us in that regard is actually news. Fluff news, but news.
I don't know about being racist, but the comments here are definitely a bit genderist. Men are going to rate the priorities of all women by the example of a few gold-diggers who put themselves on the Chinese equivalent of Housewives.... or some other reality TV bling-a-thon? I'm male, but we're giving ourselves a bad rep here.
Because they have already gone over how those people only care about money. Now this article is talking about the Chinese do the same. Relax. I think you would find this in most cultures.
Payback for the girls; they were not wanted and now they have the power!! Good for them!!
Chinese American here too. I don't think this is racist at all. I've been back to China a few times and they're just calling it how it is.
Not to say that America isn't dissimilar...but hey, there's gold diggers of all varieties, both genders, everywhere. It's not sexist to say the obvious: Men generally have more money than women. That is a fact...I'm not saying that's the way it should be, but that's the way things are. There are also male gold diggers as well, it's just more rare.
American women (and American society as a whole) being focused on money isn't news. "I Married a Millionaire", "The Bachelor", "Real Housewives.." and all the rest of the trash programming are just so much noise over here that nobody pays attention. Maybe we have a higher expectation or romantic perception of some other cultures and are now learning that they have become just as cynical and money hungry as we are. I ain't saying she's a golddigger.. but she ain't getting with no Qióngrén.
I remember that as a teenager, I sat and listened to my cousin and her girlfriends, all early teens, discussing the money or love question about marriage. I'm male and I found out a lot. Just as a conclusion, my cousin married for love and it lasted about a year, then she married for money. He was the oldest son of a plantation owner in Brazil. She found out that living in a hut with bugs the size of baseballs for a year was not her idea of wealthy, and neither was the Brazillian idea of well-to-do exactly hers. It took her a year to save the money for a ticket back to the U.S. I haven't heard from her in decades, but I was told that she divorced him too.
Before long chinese women will be able to choose, even the least attractive will marry well, if that's what they want. More power to them, if the chinese men get a gold-digger too bad, the generations before them that chose male children over female are to blame and you better believe it was the men that insisted on having to have male children. Then again it happens in the US too though girls aren't aborted as often for that reason, they are just unloved and unwanted. The fact that many american women are gold-diggers is so well-known because of shows like The Bachelor that it goes without saying. I don't find it racist at all, I think women and some men of all races and cultures have their share of money-hungry people.
How funny people took offense at my comment rather than the reporting. I think it is racist because of how it is framed; more like a social commentary making a Sterotype. I also don't find it NewsWorthy. I am not Chinese either. (did people assume so cause I used the name "luci" and they thought of lucy liu? haha!)
Any stereotyping of race or gender should offend our sensibilities, if not our senses.
This also in: Bears @!$%# in the Woods.
If You Are the One is not China's first dating show,but it is the country's first successful one.For each episode,24 young women stand behind a podium,in control of a light.Half a dozen bachelors are paraded,one for each 10-minute segment.The female contestants turn off the light when they decide to opt out.After several rounds of "showing off his talent,including expositions on love and marriage,the guy gets to choose one of the women who still have their lights on.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps!!
This article simply confirms that there are shallow people all over the world.
The bachelor either walks away with one of the women,or ,more likely,leaves alone.After which another bachelor is brought in.
What makes the show spicy is the remarks by the female participants when they comment on the bachelor. As there are 24 of them and not everyone is given equal opportunity to pontificate, they have a tendency to make utterances that will not fall to the cutting floor during editing.
Miss Ma Nuo said: "I'd rather be miserable sitting in a BMW than be happy riding a bicycle." As the bicycle is a mode of transport in China, not a tool of recreation or fitness, what Ma Nuo, a budding model, wants is very clear: wealth over love. She knows money may not bring her happiness, but it is her top priority nonetheless.
Wow - I wish American women would be so honest about being shallow, horrible caricatures of human beings. Here, it often takes a couple dates to find out a girl is just like the rest.
Issues, Dave?
Dave, a woman is shallow if she picks a man based on his wealth, but it ISN'T shallow if a man picks a women because she is thin and beautiful?
GK .... um, let me take this one Dave. So, you are equating men using a physical attribute for mate selection to how women are using a bank account for mate selection. In the tradition of mate selection over the existence of our species I guess you are saying we got it wrong and shouldn't use physical attraction as an attribute?
Welcome to Capitalism China, the rich will procreate, the rest will have to go to Vietnam to get some...
Vietnam is heading down the same route as far as marriage goes. Yes a lot of Korean, Mainland Chinese, and Singaporeans do go there to get married..but most of the girls from rural areas are desperate to get out of poverty. The ones from Saigon City are just as money driven and high maintainence as the girls from Shanghai.
This statement quickly became the de facto motto for women, and by extension, this dating show, which borrows its title from an earlier hit feature film. For a while, there were so many material girls and gold diggers on China's small screens you'd be forgiven for thinking it was 1920s New York.
Essentially, the show is a victim of its own success. Before the industry watchdogs unleashed their fury, even usually liberal commentators were condemning it as "too boorish". However, defenders had a point when they said the show accurately reflected our social mentality. Say what you like, this is how a lot of Chinese approach dating and mating.
Wow...I guess China really is catching up with the United States. Gold-digging was en vouge in the 80's here in the U.S.
It went out of vouge?!?
Gold-digging is a timeless occupation, Higgi.
This doesn't have anything to do with the one child policy or with 'gold digging'.
The free-market reforms in China have created a social environment of an elite upper class and a huge lower class. There really isn't much of a middle class in China. So, people in the lower class always have to consider financial issues regarding every choice they make, even relationships. It's not about gold digging, it's about survival. Comparing Chinese to American culture is silly, they are not remotely similar.
It isn't as bad as you make it sound but you're mostly right.
We Chinese, especially women, have always attached great importance to the social status of those we want to marry. Today status is mostly embodied in bank accounts, outsized housing units and luxury vehicles. In the more "idealistic" time when I was a kid, people looked at things like social class - whether one's family was "revolutionary" enough. The very first question asked about a potential date often was: What does his father do?
A 22-year-old might not have much, but if his daddy was a cadre his road ahead was paved with roses. Dating was an elaborate ritual then. Young men and women would turn to a matchmaker, usually a middle-aged woman, for help. She would search her mental database and call up like-minded middle-aged women. When a candidate was identified, she would arrange a meeting for the two. It often took place in a park or at a cinema. The cost involved was not much more than a movie ticket or some snack.
Amazing!!!!! Women marrying rich guys?!?!?!? I didn't know that ever happened!! What a great article!!! Not....
so just like the rest of the world. /yawn
What? You mean to say that women are for sale? lol!
Nothing new here.
This just confirms that people are the same in all countries; and American women are even worse, they use more than their 'looks' to trap the guy with all the bling and coin.
me love you long time
Some of you need to do your research before posting! Because of the one-child policy and the preference to have boys over girls, many parents kill (abort) their babies as soon as the find out if it's a girl!!! Then they try again for a boy. They also either abandon or give up baby girls. Why do you think so many Americans adopt Chinese girls? Have you ever heard of them adopting Chinese boys? Very little. This is not about racism either. It's just shedding light on a rapidly growing trend in China. It also happens in the US, but the article is about China. Do you want them to mention every single country with lots of materialism?
What?! Now China is going to beat us in crass materialism?! Geez, is there nothing sacred anymore! Damn you Peoples Republic! :)
Years ago I met a graduate student in CA who had the potential to make million$. He succeeded! He was also adamant about marrying an Asian woman. He succeeded with that as well! Ten years and two children later, they are now divorced.
Honestly, did he think Asian women were any different? All women are the same. All they really want is security, and if that includes love, marriage, and a family, well all the better! Marrying a man of means doesn't mean you will live happily ever after. Be careful what you wish for.
I would disagree that that's "all" they want, but it is one of the bare minimums.
Most women are the same way everywhere...but in the case of new money (China, pro basketballers, rap stars,etc.), the wretched excess is boundless. And in the China, it is faceless,dressed with such arrogance, lacking in humor or self-criticism and only explained by sheer numbers of like-minded robots
Men use money and/or social status to attract a mate...women use their looks. This is old news in the animal kingdom and among humans. Chinese women are very lucky right now. Due to the "one family, one child" law and families killing many of their baby girls because they wanted sons, Chinese women have a wide choice of men from which to choose. Their will be many Chinese men who will go through life without a wife or partner.
40 Million men without a mate, makes for a very volatile situation.
They could start to marry western women.
Really? Pathetic journalism...no news here.
This is not a Chinese issue solely but a female issue globally. Womens number one priority is money and if not money its excitement. Hence the rich man/bad boy dating prevelence. Pretty simple to see no matter how many women deny the reality of relationship dynamics.
Now it may be more pronounced or up front in China or other countries but Donald Trump "or other rich/ ugly men" don't date models because of their personality. Being a decent provider, good person, kind, loving, attractive ect.. mean little.
IMO this is due to increased corporatization of society and increased entitlement by modern women.
it's not only in China, but in Thailand. I married a beautiful lady, big heart, very outward, makes friends as easy as breathing air. I had to have a dinner party with the family, sisters, brothers, uncles, etc. Only one disapproved of me, by saying (in Thai), "he's not good enough for you, doesn't have enough money", the rest approved, and have never been this happy in my life these past 8 years. Sometimes money wins, sometimes it loses. We have a nice house, she drives a nice car, and treats me like a king. :)