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Subscribe to RSSBEIJING – An Jiqiang says he accidentally came across a web site called “Paoxue.com," which means “art of seduction” in Chinese when he was searching online for the book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists," written by the American writer Neil Strauss.
An, a 30-year-old businessman, had been having a difficult time with his girlfriend and thought he needed guidance from professionals on how to socialize. Through Paoxue.com he found Chris Wu, one of the first pickup artists in China who offers both online consultation and real-life training classes. Without hesitation, An registered for a course last May. For one week’s instruction, he paid $760 and thinks it was well worth the money.
“I was taught how to do a ‘conversation test’ with girls to see if you are compatible. But the most important thing is I got to know the best pros in this industry, and we now hang out and interact. This has changed my life,” An said during a recent interview with NBC News.
Wu, a 26-year-old Chinese-American has a full time job working in e-commerce, but over the last few years he has dedicated his free time to training single men who are desperately seeking help on how to woo the opposite sex.
“When we come to the problem of health, we can go to hospitals. We always have guidance on how to keep yourself healthy. On the subject of careers, we go to a bookstore and find loads of books on buying stocks or how to become successful. There are so many paths you can follow. But on building up relationships, we have never had any education for it," said Wu, who goes by the name of “Tango” among his students. (Although a native English speaker, Wu insisted on speaking in Chinese during his camera interview with NBC News, because he said he doesn’t want to sound like a condescending American teaching Chinese how to meet women.)
Wu is not the only one offering possible solutions. Single men can find several other websites that are similar to Paoxue.com, which has attracted over 200,000 registered members. The other portals offering love-hunting techniques are based in cities like Guangzhou and Shanghai, where young Chinese pick-up artists give courses and even boot camp training.
I was invited to a small party given by Wu and his colleagues at a glamorous downtown Beijing club called Xiu. The party was welcoming Wayne Elise, an American pickup artist and actor, who was visiting China and had participated in Wu’s half-day class on how to speak to the opposite sex.
The guys I met at the party definitely seemed to have learned a thing or two about being charming. They were all cheerful, smiling, chatty and polite. “The most important thing I learned is that I look at the girls’ eyes when I talk to them," said one young IT engineer, looking straight at my eyes. “And to show the best of yourself.”
“Everywhere I go around the world, it’s the same thing: there are a lot of sweet, nice men who maybe didn’t learn from their fathers how to connect with women, how to meet women, how to make a spark… If I can help in any way, I want to,” Elise told me the next day during one of the classes.
Compared to single men in the West, Chinese men seem to be less confident meeting new girls in social venues. Pressured by heavy schoolwork and strict parenting, they have very little dating experience in their teens, and yet once they reach their early 20s they are already worrying about marriage and having children.
Very few people escape the pressure of the traditional family-oriented mindset of Chinese culture. As one old Chinese proverb goes, there are three ways to be an unworthy child, the worst being not producing offspring. New phrases like “leftover girls” and “leftover boys” are entering the modern lexicon, referring to women and men in their late 20s or early 30s who are still single.
At the same time, young Chinese people’s social lives are relatively limited. The bar and club culture is still non-existent in the vast rural areas, and even in cities people usually socialize with friends they already know around dinner tables, limiting their opportunities to meet new potential mates. A large number of singles rely on dating services like www.jiayuan.com, one of China’s biggest matchmaking companies which claims to have more than 30 million members.
China is also the most gender-imbalanced country because of the one-child policy and the cultural preference for boys whom people believe will continue the family bloodline. According to the nation's population watchdog, there will be 30 million more men than women by 2020.
If so, by then, China’s pickup artists may want to consider a basic class in "how to find a girl" before getting to the seduction training.
Related stories:
In China, matchmaking means gold digging
Mr. Smooth! Wannabe pickup artists go to boot camp
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Knee how? lay ho? Lang Loy!
I live in China...believe me, the desperation here for relationships and marriage borders on rabid.
I gather you don't hang out with the match.com and eharmony culture sets stateside.
Interesting and thought provoking comment. I have some Chinese friends here in America, not to be rude, but; Chinese seem to have to overcome, being "too Chinese." Email me through Newsvine for a more "in depth discussion.
To make matters worse for them is the steady stream of Chinese women moving over here to marry American men.
<(Although a native English speaker, Wu insisted on speaking in Chinese during his camera interview with NBC News, because he said he doesn’t want to sound like a condescending American teaching Chinese how to meet women.)>
Translation: Even though I know the audience of NBC News is English-speaking and primarily American, I will pretentiously speak Mandarin and thereby try to frighten off potential competitors who can easily do the same thing I'm pretending to be originating here in China. I know, like in most areas requiring Western intervention, Chinese will choose to pay a white face over an Asian one, regardless of service quality, so I better do something desperate and even make a lame excuse about "condescending American" even though I am American and even though the service originates in America and the locals clearly need and want it.
"How to Pick Up Chicks" ain't the only things these Chinese need to learn - ever hear of manners?
I was buying meat the other day talking with my friend Tony, who works behind the counter...suddenly this Chinese guy walks up and starts peppering Tony with questions - totally ignoring our conversation
it was the only time I've ever seen Tony get mad....little dude is lucky he didn't end up stuffed in the garbage bin behind the store
Sounds like the one that needs to learn something is Tony. And that would have to be professionalism.
He's behind the counter, yes? He's in an official role as a meat handler/butcher. At that time and place he is on the clock, and he is both Tony, Friend of robbopaloobop, and Tony, Professionial Meat Handler. Since he is on the job, being the Professional Meat Handler is more important than being the Friend of robbopaloobop. If your conversation with him WASN'T about buying meat, then yes, that conversation SHOULD be ignored in favor of a paying customer who is asking questions about the meat.
Your friend Tony is lucky the customer didn't talk to management.
I agree with you robbopaloobop. I remember waiting in line for a security check after an airplane flight in Moscow. A bunch (about 20) of ethnic chinese businessmen de-planed behind us. These guys simply walked to the front of the line without batting an eye and cut in front of the people there. The people there started telling these guys to go to the back of the line. Of course these "businessmen", pretended not to understand english, but they sure knew the appropriate gestures and the "F-Word" to indicate their displeasure.
Learning manners would go a long way toward wooing the opposite sex. Little things like, "please", "thank you", "excuse me" and waiting your turn in line will pay dividends in the long run toward showing genuine goodwill toward others.
Right, because douchebags only exist in China.
I guess someone forgot to teach you folks that rudeness is a cross-cultural thing.
A sucker is born every minute! (In China: every second)